Standing right edge of the building. I used to sit at this edge at the building at the age of 16. It was one winter night , the cold wind is blowing me up.I lie on the top of the building listening to the wind wisper in my ears. I want to escape from many things. The shame on my face , I can not take it any more. I have the tears on my face. I run to the top of the building. Mother is right working right the other side of the road. She is running a small shop there. She is worrying about me. But the dark sky over my head seems trying to sallow all my hopes. At that time it is one darkest time in my life. I am trying to make myself look farer. But the only thing in front of me is I am standing right on the top of the building.One line of lyrics make me remind me I wish I cound fly, way up in the sky , like a bird so high . I might just try. But some love trapped me. I know at that time both the parents suffering for the life. When I get down the building mother is still sitting in the shop. And she never know I have considered to jump off the building right in front of her. I do not want to hurt her. These days I am facing the same questions. I am feeling disappointed for all things. The dark sky over my head. I should never give up. I keep warning myself. But things crack down like you can hardly hold. I have to say see you tomorrow. Maybe I would see your tomorrow. God let me get through today.

Standing right edge of the building. I used to sit at this edge at the building at the age of 16. It was one winter night , the cold wind is blowing me up.I lie on the top of the building listening to the wind wisper in my ears. I want to escape from many things. The shame on my face , I can not take it any more. I have the tears on my face. I run to the top of the building. Mother is right working right the other side of the road. She is running a small shop there. She is worrying about me. But the dark sky over my head seems trying to sallow all my hopes. At that time it is one darkest time in my life. I am trying to make myself look farer. But the only thing in front of me is I am standing right on the top of the building.One line of lyrics make me remind me I wish I cound fly, way up in the sky , like a bird so high . I might just try. But some love trapped me. I know at that time both the parents suffering for the life. When I get down the building mother is still sitting in the shop. And she never know I have considered to jump off the building right in front of her. I do not want to hurt her. These days I am facing the same questions. I am feeling disappointed for all things. The dark sky over my head. I should never give up. I keep warning myself. But things crack down like you can hardly hold. I have to say see you tomorrow. Maybe I would see your tomorrow. God let me get through today.

Fashion seems for me is just one word very far away.The school time our teacher order us have to wear the school uniform every day. So most of the time we wear the blue white uniform to the school no matter winter or summer. We just have no choice. At the high school the order finally ended we are influenced by the Korean and Japanese plays we all like the skinny jeans ,boys would leave a long hair or colored their hair to brown. Wear a pair of black frame sunglasses. I am one among them. But you should know that it is not comfort if wearing the skinny jeans in the summer. It is totally suffering and make always sweat in the summer.Finally get through those days.

Today wearing one pair of misbhv shorts ,mesh joggers and one snapback on my head.I think this should be the look I am. Urban fahsion would never fade in fashion world. In a period of time I always try to make me look mature, The white buttons down, the trousers and the ford leather shoes. But with that young face you would look even more naive. It is a failture for myself. The mature should from the soul inside but not the clothing we are wearing. 

Finally I get out of that circle of thoughts. Wearing the look I should be. I also have one piece of suit in my closet. I think the most impotant thing is wear the right clothing at the right place. You can not wear a pair of jeans to one pulic meeting place. You also can not wear one suit to a beach side party. That is why you can find a suit in my closet. Because I also need it in some public serious place.

When I was a kid, I believe people get married start with a kiss.

Yesterday I heard my cousin would get married.The date is July 5th in my hometown. She is 31 years old. And she is going to get married with one 37 years old man. In my place it is quite one old age to get married. Usually people would get married at the age from 20-30. Especially for the age over 30, she is a little old for marriage. Any way I am glad to hear that she finally found her husband. And no matter how is the husband. I hope she would spend a stable life from now and ever.Marriage sometimes would be one happy ending for the single life. 

But in my memory sometimes the marriage would be totally suffering. I grow up under the noise of parents' quarelling.Sometimes it is about the money, it is about the something very small, it is about who cook the dinner and who wash the plates. They just can not understand each other. And my childhood ruined by all these things. I am feeling truly painful at that time. Marriage sometimes can be horrible. 

I just wish my marriage would be some kinds of stable life style. Travelling around the world, cook the delicious dinner together, take the whole family walk out and enjoy the happy family time. Marriage is this kind life. The love is one eternal thing. It is our life.

Father is watching TV in this room right after my chair. I can hear the sound from the television very clear. All kinds of news come into my right ears every day. And I am starting breath heavily. But he never care. The sound make my head totally messed up. I want to say something. Finally I can not control. I tell him to turn down the volume of the televison. 

Television , the world worst invention for the world. The world most waste invention ever. The people use the television for wasting the time. Listening to creepy news around the world. I never know a gun shot  case from the other side of earth would have connection with our life. And the TV plays are made of the scenes have no reason. There is no alien show up to us. But we are dreaming to fight them in the television for several decades. Any way I never pay them any attention. I just care what is my life. 

I need private space. I am tired of living under the eyes of the parents. I am a adult. I want to live in my own way. Get away from the hood of the parents is the best choice ever. I have to say goodbye to the so called family. I want to own one greater future.

The rainy days finally ended. You can not control the weather. The wet air with the water , you feel crazy but you can hardly change. It is just the situation right here. My parents do not know how badly it is. But I can feel it. Like the black clouds over my head. In any time there would be one storm here.I count every second I have. Even in the weekend I would still work a lot. I made a dream list. But I just make two of them come true. There are still 2 in my list which is one icon of my success. But now I am feeling disappointed for what I have done these months. Wasting the time is one guilty thing. It is not only wasting the time. Also sacrifice the future. I do not believe in fate. Because I believe fate is created by our hands. If one day you have wasted too much maybe the future would be worse. But if you grab every opportunity and keep using the time in the right way,the future would be brighter. All you have done would create one result. And I believe in pay back because everything would cause one result and the result would work on yourself. So we should never do anything not kind. Be grateful for the god what he have given us. Be grateful for the life we are owning. Start from here.

Several days ago I have pay a visit to my old friend. They are my classmates from the high school. And we used to be good brothers at that time. They are working at some other different cities. And it is hard to get together. Any way we finally met at the restrauraut in the hometown. And when first seeing their faces I can not believe they are the classmates. Totally changed but sometimes you can see the shadows in the past. But they have changed too much. Especially their faces and body shape. They become much fatter than before.The faces grown much rounder. 

I am exatly looked like before. And I am very glad I look younger than them. 

And I believe the sports have worked on me. I do half a hour sports every day. And I believe it would help me make the body become better. And I believe it make me look younger.

Body is one special machine. The arms, the legs and the body .And you have to make it move every day to make your body work perfect. If you keep make it move you can make your body keep in the good status. 

Just some words to stay young ,keep your body moving. Sports is always the best choice. 

I have done something wrong. Today I feel very disappointed. Money have gone and the business is running worse. Things are not going well and every night I can sleep well. But today I play the game again. Yesterday night I play the game till 1 AM. I have spent too much time on the games and make my time not arranged well. I start to hate the PC games. The picture looks well but what the hell waste the time too much. The time I can feel the eyes from above is watching me. I know I am doing all things wrong. I have talked with mother to drop off all those games. I have to make everything back to the right direction.

So beacause of the time wasted yesterday and today I decide not to rest tomorrow. I would keep working. Make the time fully used every day is very important. 

I need to make a plan for myself. Each day I have to work more than any other people. I want to be the one I used to be.