Every day we are making the choice. When wake up in the morning you have to make a choice what to wear. And we have to make a choice when eating. You choose meat and I choose vegetables. And I belive each choice would lead different result. This is one world of choices. 

I choose one pair of dope chef pants and I would need to choose one pair of sneakers to match with the urban look. And when you are wearing one suit you would need a shirt and and oxford shoes to fit your casual look. So it is step by step. We ar living in the similar circle. It is a money circle. The circle used to make us have to make a right choice so that we can walk the road we have created by our own . I have to say we have to make the right choice. Or you would fee regret for your whole life.

I am trying to be young. I take a snapback on my head. I use all kinds of the new fashion stuff such as the beats headphone. But when you are at this age. When your face look older, these things on you start to make you look childish. It is strange. I haven't done many things when I was a young man. Now I want to do it . But it is not the same feeling any more. The young time have gone and would never come back. I am lost at this age. There are so many things I have missed. And now when I have been like a new born young man here. It is not the right feeling. Because you are already old inside your heart. So you need to treasure your young time. When you want to do something, just do it. When want to wear something, just wear it. It is the right of being young. I am old, I am feeling so regret for what I haven't done before.

There is a lot of good things of being young. Nowadays I have found there is some marks that the time have left on my face. The skin around the eyes become darker and I think it is the sign I am around 30 years old soon. I am just a little nevous while seeing these numbers. It is a kind like a shock wave to my head. My mother at my age have already get married. But why I am living like this ? I can not understand my life. I even can not live alone. I am afraid of going outside these days. I feel the social stress. This is the third day sitting in my house. I think I am sick. I can not feel the feet on the ground. Now the modern life have created a group of wired people like me. We all knock ourselves in the house made of iron. This is one iron city so cold and grey. I miss the time I can get out with all my old friend. But what happened to me now? I even do not dare to talk with the strangers. I live on the internet like many other else. I can not call my life a life .It is not like a living. It is a kind life one person is waiting for the end of the life. This is how I descrive my life. This is my life.

Iron cityis creating one iron heart of mine. I would like to run away as soon as I can. I am so tired to do anything. I just want to live my life in the right way. But it is so hard to make it true. I am living in this iron city. How can I change my way of living?

I do not know and I never understand.

Do you remember the first time you are taken to the school ? Maybe we were young at that time .But it should be marked in our memory deeply. It was one important day in our lives. 

I was sitting behind my mother's bike. Yes, at that time, most of the people in my country ride the bike to any place. It is one important traffic tool at that time. The time on the bike is so short. I wish it last longer and longer. But soon we have arrived at the destination. It was a great building with a huge gate. The gate would be opened at 7 o'clock in morning. Seems we arrived there a little earlier. There are so many kids at my age standing in front of the gate. They are smiling .But for me I truly wished my mother can stay here with me. I even do not want to go to school. I wish I can spend my time at home forever. 

There is no one I know here. I feel so lonely. Then I go the classroom. So many kids were in the classroom. They have made great noise in the class. But soon the classroom went quite. Here comes the teacher. She look nice. They try to sort us in height. I sit at the third row in the classroom. Soon I made friends with the boy sit next to me. He was a good boy who have helped me forget the sadness. I do not miss my mother any more. It is the pure friendship I enjoy. We went outside the school after one day end. My mother is waiting outside the gate. Then she take me home by bicycle. It was a part of my sweet warm memory. The memory of my dear family and classmates would last forever in my head. 

Merry Christmas! 

My country have very few Christians. And it is not even a English-speaking country. We live in the east but look forward the western life style so much. There is no holiday for the Christsmas. But people still would like to celebrate it today. You can hear people cheering Merry Christmas, They even do not know what does it mean...

I would like to say like the picture above..

The girl send me some awful pictures and said merry Christmas. I have to reply some words to show the respect to them to be polite. She is introduced by my relatives to be my lover. But I am totally not interested in her. I leave her alone for really a long time. But why did she send me the wishes. Would you please leave me alone ?

I have been living alone like this for more than 6 years. In the past I have felt sad for the lonely Christmas. But now I do not care if there is anybody around to celebrate this festival. I also do not care about the gift. My life suppose to be like this. I get used to this life. Merry Christmas to all you people. 

This is in the winter. But how come I can feel the spring in this weather. The warm sunshine trough the green leaves over my head. I can feel the power of lives. This is a city in the southern side. I love this city because of the warm weather.though there is no snow in this city. 

Snow is one signature of my hometown. Every winter there would be the snow covered the whole city land. It is pure and white. However while the snow is melting the whole land become so wet and when the snow have the dirt and the foot steps on it .It is not as beautiful as we first saw them. And I prefer there is no snow. As snowing, the sky have too much cloud covered. I wish the golden sunshine in the sky. I feel the living things are singing in this weather. I wish the sunshine can be here this whole winter.

However today the weather turns cloudy and windy. I feel the headache again in this season. I am looking forward the next year everything can be better. This is my last wish of this year. 

In a sudden I want to have a house. The house do not need a large space. But I would decroate it very carefully. There should be a lot of sunshine trough the window. I would cover the wall with the deep colored wall paper. I love the feel which the toe touch the wood. I wish the house have the modern taste pictures on the wall. I wish many things I can not own. This make me sad. 

For the reason why I do not want to live with the parents. I have to say it is all because father. People always say they can forgive the relatives. But for me, he have done so many things hurt for both me and mother. He make us feel so sad and angry. That means one day I have to get away from them. I want to live in my own little space. To keep away from this old and ridiculous man. He make me feel sick. One family need the the unity and love. But he always do something make me feel sick. He is such a bad person in my family. I have used all my patience. Now I am tired. I have to get away. 

Yesterday he want more money from mother. Mother have been working all the time. Every weekend she would come back home to pay a visit of family. She would bring us something to eat. He want more money to fill his greedy mouth. And I feel sick of it really bad. He never know how to be a good peson. When is able to work he waste his time. Now he is unable to work he take the happiness of this whole family. All these things he have done.We have to pay back the results. It is totally not fair for we family. Why would the god send this person to my family. Why he have become such a person destroy this whole family?

Please give me one bottle of wine to let me forget all those pain in my head. But it never works. I have drinken one bottle of cocktail with with the peach flavor. But now I feel the pain in my head more badly. Yesterday I forced myself to stay in bed at 12 o'clock. But I still can not wake up at eight. I get up at eleven without the breakfast. The pain is still in my head. I never understand why my head have the pain all the time in the winter since when I was just a student. 

These days the small pieces of memory come up in my head . They are all several years or decades ago. 

When studying at the middle school. The students are not as pure as we used to be indeed. My Math teacher have a baby. Then many students go to their house and give them presents. Giving the presents is simple. But I can not get used to the feeling. When you are just a kid, you have to learn to how to get close to some one. It is sick. Why can't the students and the teachers stay the pure relationship. It is so hard to be a student in this country. You have to learn to win the likes from the teacher. 

I think since that time we people have already become as sick as the adults. The wine make me remind the time of the students. It is bad. I would like to take another bottle of wine until I can forget all these things and fall asleep with the warmth. I take off the jacket and lie on my bed again.

I have made phone call to my parents to ask if there is any food at home. I have been living like this for 27 years already. I still can not live all by myself. I used to ask my parents to make me live alone. But they just do not agree because they think if I have any disease I can not handle it. They are worrying about me. But in this city there are so many people living alone. How can they live in this city? I was always under the hood of the family. Some people even say they admire me because I am still living with the parents. They would take good care of me. But for me I think I should stay away from them as soon as possible. Someone have already become a father at my age. But now I am still the kid who even can not take care of myself in my parents' eyes. I know they love me more than anything. But in some other way, the love also have become a kind of destory for their kid. If you love me , please let me fly alone. 

The parents can not take care of you all the life time. One day you have to face the whole all by yourself. But if you are not ready for it. You would be so weak. Being a weak person is not good. So I decide to move out of my parents' house before it is too late. I have to learn to live in this world all by myself. I am ready to weak man.