I used to talk with one old man about the life. He set one saddle on the house and tell me he used to be caught in the jail because he have done something offend against the law. And his parents feel shame for him because he have done this kind illegal things. And people around his neighbor usually would laugh at his family. So at that age he lived very hard. Suffered by the people's colored sight on him.He have to run away from that city and moved here.And now he still feel guilty because he have done the things make his ancestors shame.

I start to get in one thought about the ancestor. Seems the vintage views for the ancestor in our country have made people start to learn to obey the rules of the world. they have their own balance for the rules. If you have done something wrong the first ones to feel shame on you is yourself because you have done things make your ancestors feel shame. And it is one kind sinful thoughts inside your head and make you suffered for it.And then your family and then the people around you.People have to follow his mind to do something.And the rules make people know which is right and which is wrong. The law is right after the family rules.Family rules are like one kind honor for the ancestors.And you have to follow the rules to make you live like one real man. Life is just like that.Seems since you were born  you can not make a choice. The rules runs for over hundreds years in this ancient country with such long history. 

So just get used to this rules for your life.Make the honor to your ancestors. Try your best to not doing things wrong. You are not the only one. Sometime you are treat as your most important honor for your family for hundreds years.

I never want to end my life like this. Start losing the dreams for everything. But I blieve I would never give because my life should be filled with the glory. I can not let my life flow in the river I can not control. Im the captain of my life. I listen the music with the true power make me stand up among the greatest stress I ever met. I would never run away any more. Because I would live one kind new life I believe. I believe that one day I would make my dreams come true. I would buy myself the good camera that I dream to use. I would try my best to get what I am truly love. I would find one I love one day. I would live my life in one new way. But now what I have to do is working as hard as before. 

I have been running away for everything in my dream. I have been sleeping for so long.I can not make this become my turning point of my life. I am starting lose myself in this grand circle. I am totally wasted already.Please give me some chances to grab everything back because I am the one who get hurt. I am one person who can not tear the love. I am the one who can not make up my mind to do something. I just want to change. But how? I keep asking. I keep trying to find myself in such kind crazy life style. But truly tired. I can not stop because the dreams are just too far away from me. I have to make it come true. I have to.

I keep asying the words because there is one soul inside me struggling very hard. I am like one slave man. I want to carry on my hard working life. But always too hard for me. I never understand why this happening. But it is happening. I am stuggling for this.

Most people know that usually they work 8 hours one day. But for me I work for myself. And most of the time I can not control the time because I always want to watch the movies. Take a nap in the noon and doing many things that make me waste a lot of time. I am losing the control for my life and also do not know how to handle with it. I am just too tired of this. But what else should I do. I need some rule to make myself know the importance of the time. I am tired of all these things. But I can not give up because my dream is right ahead. I forget the dreams while I want to play. I forget many my duties while I am trying very hard to make it done. These days the time is flowing away and I even do not know what to do. I am so tired of my life. But I just can not contro. Now it is the time to run. Run away from the hard life. And run away from the so called crazy life style. I have to make myself know the I am losing control. I have to make myself learn the lesson from my life. I have to.I truly need to. when one day the dream come true you would know that you have made a rightt choice.

Please stop wasting the time. Please make up your mind to do something right.

Have gone for so long on the life road. Seems that I'm kind of already finished half of the road. Trying very hard to make things right but there are just too many choices which make people can not understand the real meaning of the life.They are trying very hard to make things worse. And that is why I am so mad with these people. They never understand they need to treat the people in the right way. Being one bad person always can bring yourself the trouble. The god would send people to judge you and let you know how to behave right. I am some kind of mad people who never understand the real life. They have done so many things wrong and they never know how to be the people with the right thought and now every thing have changed a lot. 

I finally made the decision  make these people pay for their sins. Being nice is one easy thing. But they never know how to behave. So let me give them a lesson. One lesson make the people learn how to be a man. How to live their lives. Finally I have made it.

Since the last several years I would learn something I have never learnt before. I would make myself become one perfect person.

I finally give up on you. And I finally find myself in such a long time. I start to feel I am totally free without thoughts trapped on me. And I think I am totally free. I decide for next one year do not think about anything about the love. I totally use the full focus on the work. And try the best to make the body become healthier and try the best to make myself educated. Learn one language and learn more about the writing. Make myself know more about the fashion news and make one new hair style for myself. All these things require the hard work. Get enough sleep and live one kind life full of the meaning. This is what I have been thinking for these days.

Maybe it is one way out of this bad circle of mine. And I am trying the best to change. So I would like the other people see me. I would like to make the life better.

At the age of 25 I would try the best to make a change. All these things need myself to finish it better. All these things make me know what I really want. After several days falling. I have to make it stop and I have to make one new start of my life.

yesterday sleep at 2 o'clock in the night. Seems when morning I do not realize anything and I feel shame for this because I am getting much lazier than before. I have to change the situation now. Because there are lots of works to be done. And I can not live my life like one loser. I have to make it change. I see the bright side of the life. But I start to enjoy the lonely feeling in this city. This city is like one magic place can make your dreams come true. But what the else you need to do is trying very hard. Because no hard works no gain. Hard working the basic way to success. You would never want when you do not have any money in your pocket. That is making you feel nervous. Even do not have anything to eat. This is horrible status.And you would need to make it stay away from you.

When one day you are old you would never feel regret because you have tried your best. But if you keep wasting the time like the loser. You would feel it is just too late to realize all these things. You would need to do sports, keep working and make your whole family happy. That is all your duty. And you have to make it done in time. Because time for you is limited. 

I am hearing all these things in my years. And I keep counting the days before I go back to my hometown. There are still so many days. But time flies!

The start of the year. I have spent too much time on something I do not need to focus. Now I am feeling missing. And now I start to tell myself I have to make it done one day. All these things. I have been like one stupied one who even can not find the right way to walk. Now I have to change it. Change everything used to be in my life.

Now what I need is one evisu denim jacket with the cool daicock design which can make me feel the true fashion style. Match with one true color jeans and one pair of vintage sneaker. I believe it is truly cool to wear this kind fashion item. The worn style of the fashion items have gone since last year. People all trying to make themselves vintage. And I also have changed my mind to stick with the rock roll fashion look. I need this fashion item. I walk on my new way. And in next 2 years I would buy myself one car. The car is cool. And I truly need to this.

Fashion and luxury. This is keywords being like one prince. I used to like the look of garage man. But now I would need to do something different. Fashion is the key of the kingdom I want to get in. This is the new start of my fashion world.