At the age of 27, I look like a young man like before. But there is something I doubt in my head. It  is something make me doubt myself. I am walking on the right way? Am I wearing too young ? When you look at me you would find me just about 22 years old ? Should I be happy about that? In fact all these doubts just because I am going to visit someone who I have never met for 40 years. He used to be one legend for me. He is my mother's relative. He is going to visit my family in next 2 days. He is high educated . But I am afraid he would feel uncomfortable while visiting our old house. I am not confident with that. So I start to doubt myself. But seems there is nothing I can do about it. So just bring it, I am ready for it. 

Being young is not a bad thing. I believe there are thousands of people want to be younger. But while they are at their age, it is hard to change my mind. So why do I need to ? He is famous and rich. But who care about it? I am still living in this way. I am born in this way. So there is no need to worry about what other's people are thinking about. It is just about myself. I should live the way I like. I should forget what bothers my life. This is the life I choose.

So after thinking things are clearly than before. We can not let others rule our life. Enjoy living young it is the way I choose. Look younger should be one kind treasure of mine. There is no one can take this pleasure from me. I should keep living like this 

Normal life should be get up at seven and sleep at eleven. But I am not  good at controlling the time and my life. I read the cell phone all day long. It have taken so much time from we people. Now I think I should stop living like that. So from today I would have to stop eating the junk food and start a new life style I ever wanted. 

The rule is made by myself. My weight keep growing. Would you like to be looked liike a middle-aged uncle ? I am sure I do not want that. The fat stomach and the horrible legs with fat. It is the nightmare. So it is the time to make a rule of your body. Drink 8 cups of water one day, eat less meat and more vegetables, forget the junk food. The delicious food always contain a lot of energy such as the ice cream, fried chickens. Eating the junk food is one kind of giving up the quality life. When you are sacrificing your mouth, the body would get worse because of these junk food. You would not be slim and beautiful any more. In fact most of the fat people's problems are the controlling problems. They can not control their will to eat the junk food. They all know it is bad for health and would make them become fat. But the smell and the taste of the junk food attracted them so much. So we have to make the right choice. The junk food should be stopped.

After all I also need more sports one day. Perfect life need the sport. The body is like one machine.There are many parts you can hardly use in one normal day of work. After day and days, the parts would get old and may have some problems. You would not find it until something wrong happened. So we should keep it using. The only way to keep it using is take the sports. Running ,push ups , pull ups and so on. It is the time to get back to sports. 

This is my new plan for life. And it started today. 

Being a kid have so many dreams of the future. They want to own the things they do not have. But they can not afford . So most of them would ask it from their parents. Something similar happened to me make me feel disappointed. The parents have been working for a while. I asked them if I can own a computer. At that time I was just one young boy who know nothing about the money. I spend all my salary. And I am still into the computer games. I want to play it .So I asked my parents to buy me one. The father have promised me that when he own enough money he would buy me one computer. I was so happy to hear that. But the truth is that day have never come. The parents are never good at bring me any surprise. I do not blame them because they have failed in the business. They do not have the money. But what my blame is, they should not promise me unless they are 100% certain they can make it true. I used to cry for that. And I see my mother's sad tears. She feel sad for what they have brought me. But the family have made me feel disappointed.

Now when I grown up, I understand what they feel. They do not have the talent to make money. They have lost most of their things. The relatives have said some bad words which hurt them badly. They have lost their confidence in the long hard life. They do not know what to do in the future. All they can do is put all the dreams and bets on me. They think I am the one who can change their poor life. This is one sad story. One disappointed kid who think the whole world owe him something. All he want is just someone to listen to him in thie sad world.

This world have changed so much. People have to move forward to get used to it. There are not so many cars on the street. The sky is still blue. I can see many butterflies on the way to the school. We even have found a snake in the bush. The river side is our adventure place.I have never realized the choldhood have so many fun. Now being an adult , the life have changed too much.

At the age of 4, my family moved to one city where mother is working. It is good to live in the city. The house is right along the river. The yard is our play ground. There are so many friends there. I am their leader.We play the hide and seek. We play jump houses. But now I can not contact with any of them. When we are at the middile school. My mother's company went broke. And they all have moved to other places in the city. Now we have lost each other's contact. Sometimes I missed them. But the world have changed, maybe they have become the ones we do not like. 

But last year when I arrived at the hometown. I still paid a visit in that old place. The water wall is deserted in the winter. The wind is strong up there in the winter. But I would like to take a walk along that place. The place where have my greatest fun memory. We run on it with feet. It was covered with green grass. 

This is why I miss the hometown so much. It is all because of the memory. The old place where I have a strong feeling. But the world turns. would it still be fun if I get back there?

I haven't get up before 10 for a long time. Today is different. I wake up at half past 6. Then I get up. I should enjoy the air in the morning - so fresh.

When I am a student at school. We are ordered to arrive at school at seven. That means you have to get up around six. Then you have to finish washing and eating the breakfast fast. Every day we rush in a hury,but never feel tired. No matter what is the weather like, we never be late for school. It was the happy time in my memory. The older you grown, the more boring you get.  You can not spend 8 hours playing the computer games with your friend. The fun you can only get is from the money. You can spend money on travelling or eating delicious food. When I was a kid, I play the rocks with my friends. We choose the rocks which we think is the hardest and hit the rock other chosen. It is a kind of game. But now the kids all playing the computer games. My little cousin have a bad sight because he have played the computer games too much. The computer have brought us a lot of knowledge. But it also have offered us more ways to waste the time. Now imagine if one day your computer can not work , how would you live your daily life ? The computer now acting a more and more important role in our life. It seems to be the only connection between me and the world outside. I mean I have to know the world by some way. So I open the computer to check out the latest news worldwide. Try to understand what happened in our world. 

After waking up in the morning, the head is so clear to come up with a lot of thoughts. I should keep this healthy plan. It is good to sleep early and get up early. At least you can feel the new start of a day. The fresh air come in from the window. It is a little cold and a little wet. But it is just so wonderful.

Finally this is the end of the day. I have walked through thousands of people. The train station here is so crowded even can make you lose your way. Maybe this is one of the reason why I want to get away from here. But would I live the style I want if I get away from here? Would I be happy with it ? I do not know, no one can see the future. 

I try to describe my life in one word - Numb

I have someone love before they get married. More and more people get married. The lovely girls all have become the wives of other people. Why they are in such a hurry ? I think my life is incomplete indeed. I have lost my most wonderful time in the college. Now when those people get married. I am still here and working and talking. I think the god is never fair enough for his people. My family worry about me. I think they are also worrying I would turn out to be a gay. In fact in some parts of my head. I think man are better than woman. They are easy to live with. When they are angry they would speak it out. And when they are sad they would cry loud. Maybe one day I would become a gay. But right now I am still straight. 

The weather is still cloudy. When will the sun show up his bright face?  I am waiting for a new day of a new begining. 

Today I wake at 10 o'clock in the morning. There is a little improvement today. I hate sleeping in the bed too late. But every day I can not sleep well. So I am tired in the day time. But when it is night I can not sleep. Then it have become a serious problem. I have seen my doctor. And he said the sleepless would not kill me. He have never given me any drugs just some suggestions such as doing more sports. I believe I am sick. It is one kind disease make me can not sleep well. 

Today I have found one action figure which is exatly look like Jason Statham.Check it out here.

It is even wearing a tie and the underwear. I am amazed at these excelent work of the artists. The great job they have done. I have bought this just because I can not control. I am a great fun of this star. I have seen his every movie. The most amazing one is the Transporter. 

Today we had a discussion about the future. Mother suggested me to go back to the hometown with the family. But according my plan I have to stay here for another several months. I know it is not nice but I have to do this. The future is not as bright as I think. So I have to make plan for every possibilities for next year. In order to make everything is fine enough. I am staying here alone for another few months. 

They would go back home around April 20th. So at that time I have to say goodbye to them. The old house in the hometown is not nice. But there we do not need to the pay the rent every month. Money would be saved for the life. And for me I have to make sure everything would be OK so that I can also go back there with good status. These days I have to control the food eat every day to make myself look thin and fit enough. The hometown back there is one place I should win back the honor. So everything need to be perfect. I have to say goodbye to the family. In some of my thoughts,I also want to know if I can live alone all by myself. Because I know one day both my parents would leave me. Before that happen, I have to make sure I can live my life all by myself. I have to say goodbye to the family. I know I wish I can stay with you forever. But the truth can not make us stay forever. So I have to be strong to face the whole world alone. 

Goodbye my dear family. I hope you can enjoy the life in the hometown. When everything get fine, I would get back there.