This world is one black hole. We chasing fame, brand name and many things that do not have any connection with our basic life. Every day we work hard .We have thousands of things in our wish lists.We want this thing that thing and we have become the slave of it. And we never realize it. I have no right to laugh at these people because I am right the one among them. I want to own one nice car, one good camera than I am using and many things that I do not own yet. I set them on the bookmark lists in my computer.This is such one long list. I never know why I want these things so much. I think I am sick. But I can not be cured. 

Living is never easy for us. In the ancient world people are always fighting for living. The food, the clothing to keep warm, the house for living. They are just the basic needs for living. But now what we are chasing have changed so much. I am the one among you .I have tried my best to change. But failed. I am losing my way. And what about you?

Since the time of last year I have this kind wishes every day. I want to go back to the hometown. Do not know what I am missing but always want to go back there. Talking with the friends make me feel very excited. Seeing the river where I used to walk along to the school make me feel wonderful. The sunshine is filled with my memory. Every time looking through the window of the bus something soft come up in my mind. I miss the old time. 

Mother is still in that city. Being busy with my father's mess up things. She is always busy with the family even she is already retired and old. The time never wait for any one. I hope she is healthy and good. But things are always messsing up with our family. I can not focus on the business because it is about my single status. I think I have to find someone to stay with me. I have someone to go to the cinema. I want to have someone to talk about the life. I am tired of being alone but never get in touch with any one who would fit me. This is the life. I am keeping pushing myself to work every day. I have to make the dream come true first. And then I would get married with someone I love. That is the way of my life.

Today I am eating with the father. He is never a good father. He have done many horrible things make me can not respect him any more. And now he is disabled and he eat mine and spend my money.Today we are just eating some simple dishes for supper. But seems he never know behave a little better. Make me feel really sick today. He eat very fast and even eat one dishes all and never left anything for me. I feel mad for that but I feel shame to speak it out. Now the scene still show up in my head. I feel really sick of that. But he have already done that I can not forget any more.

My mother is one nice person. She have spent really a long time to pay back the debts that my family have owed. And she also raise me up and make me have one comfort place to live. Now she would spend all of her money on his retire account. Sometimes you feel she is just one person never know about the future. She have tried her best to raise this family. And she is trying her best. But the truth is never good enough.Now she is poor again.Do not have any money any more.

One crazy world almost make me feel crazy. One bad father is never enough.How can I face the future?

I just ordered the train tickets to the hometown. And it would be after 6 days.I do not know why I am still not feeling happy about this. I ordered many things preparing to go back home with the honor.However I also have sone kinds of panic inside my head.And I do not know if I am walking on the right way again. I feel something is twisted in my heart. It is not feeling good.

Facing the computer for more than 8 hours one day. Your eyes and your head would feel pain. But how can I spend the time. Many things trying to bother you. You feel mad and you have to face it. Every one trying to push to the edge. I just want to stay calm and silent but it is truly hard.

Any way this day would be gone again. And I am trying to bring my head to the normal status. But these people are always trying to make you feel mad. Never answer and never let you know the truth for your life. They are all crazy people. They do not deserve what they want. Greedy and always telling the lies. They should live in the hell after they die.And I am not a hater but if you have done something bad for me. I would make you feel the pain.