In next few days I would be all alone in this city. The city is filled with the loneliness. But it is better. I do not know when to start I would prefer to be alone. I hate staying with the family. It is happy to stay with the family. But I have found I can not focus on my job while staying with the family. We keep talking about the useless things. They always tell me the news I have already known from the internet. 

The love of the family is pure. But sometimes I doubt about the relationship. All people have some kinds of selfish thoughts. Mother ask me to give her 1000 bucks every month. And she do not understand my stress. There are so many dreams that haven't come true. But here comes more stress. Would my life be always sufering? I am wondering. People have to work hard all these days. The money have changed people a lot. The more money they make, the more they want. No one would accept their normal life. But now what happened to us?

When we are surfing on the internet, The rich people show out their luxury life style. They own their own boat, their nice car, their lovely ladies. The giant necklace made of gold show us how rich they are. But while we are watching this, that have already destoroyed our views of the happy life. The differentce make us feel more disappionted with our normal life. We are chasing after their life style. But most of us can not make it true. It is sad and also make our life become pointless. 

Family or the future, that is a quetsion. When will we keep these two things a ba;ance?

It is taught we should learn to forgive. This one kind kind way to treat the life. But how can we live without all these hate and anger inside our mind. Seems there are so many things are influencing us. They are happening among our life. And we can not control the life. Seems the fate have arranged everything. Now I am facing one of my greatest problems in my life. In 15 days this whole house would be empty. Mother and father are moving back to the hometown. It seems a good news because I finally have my own space. But that remind the days when I was living at the old house. There is no one to talk with me. I have become one kind person who is out of mind who talk with myself one day. It was not the perfect life which I used to think of . But it make me feel free. Now I hate to stay with the family because of something. I am not happy with everything. But now I am feeling I have lost myself in this kind life. I do not know what is the love. I am confused with the relationship with the whole family. I have become one selfish person who is just thinking of myself all day long. It is just like this. The life should be filled with passion. But for me. why I think my life is all dark for the future. The true worries about the future make me feel worried. I do not know how to make it right. And now I am even more confusing with the family. Everything is not what I think before. And everything is trying to destroy me. I may never forgive myself for all these life. I am being a selfish person. I am so sick of myself.

Finally I have seen something through people. Every one have made mistakes. And every one have the sin. I used to think that one day I can be a man who can keep away from the sinful thing. But seems I am wrong. Now I even found the mother have done a lot of things I am sick of. Now it seems there is no people I can trust. When I am pointing fingers to any people, I think I am not the one who is the best. I can not ban all kinds of sinful things from me. Now I can not accept this world of mine. People are born with the evil thoughts. When the babies are hungry , they would cry for food. They wish more and more food. And they would never get satisfied and never think of their parents. And then as they are grown up, they still think of themselves. Now I think we people are just the evil things created by the god. We eat other animal's body to feed ourselves. And their are so many animals which just eat the plants. But we are greedy for the food. We prefer eat more meat than plants. And we have the strong desire. We created a large number of population and never think of the other animals. We are the bad ones on this earth. We have taken so much space from this world. It is sad when I found my mother doing something bad. It seems the whole world turn dark to me. I can not understand why she is doing that. But I can not treat her like before. Now she seems farther and farther from me. I am truly sad for that.

Time is not something we can touch or we can feel. It is in the space. People use the clock to remind it appears among us. The sun set and sun goes down, one day have passed. After 365 days one year have passed. But what the time is ? Can you describe it for me? I am confused about it. 

The last few days I have forget the time. The computer is the only thing I get in touch with. My fingers are clicking the keyboards in a high speed. It is weaving another new aim of mine. When you put all your mind into something. You would forget the time. One hour seems to be as short as 5 minutes. Then I have found that I should have found something I truly love. When there is any progress, I feel great happiness that I have never experienced. It is the feeling several years ago when I was working on one job. And when something can make you forget the time. That means you have found something you truly love. 

Forget about the festival, forget about the date, forget about the time and everything that have bothered me. I am one new person from this second on. I think there is still one long way to go. But now I am ready. When you create something all by your job. You would find that is like one new born baby from your hands. You would treausre it and make it become better and better. This is one person's life aim. I am aiming at that to make it running better. Time is nothing for me. I have forgotten the time.