Under the hood for so many years. Sometimes I even wish to enjoy the storm outside of the roof. The rain ,the wind and the things looks horrible sometimes can make people become stronger. And now I have to say goodbye to you my mother.

I can not live the way you want me to. You are always trying to protect me. Going out you would like to be my partner. You are afraid that I know some bad people. But now the whole world is not the way we think. It is not made of black and white it is made of grey. People always have the evil side and people also have the brighter mind.We just need to try to know the life in another mature way. I can not stay with you any more. I am an adult and I have the ability to tell which is good and which is bad. My life should be totally different .And this is my new start. 

Tomorrow I would get out of this warm house and try to make some new friends in this city. I have been living in this city for eight years already. And I think I should be a brave man and I should be a person know the meaning of the life. But these years I am so lonely and you would never know how do I suffer these things. So I put this to an end. And I would say goodbye to you. My dear mother you always try to protect me but the things you have done sometimes never would make me grow up.And I have to get away from your hood and know the world better. Even sometimes I maybe get hurt by the life but I would like to treat it as one kind lesson. And I would live my life again in my own way of living.

Goodbye my dear mother. After I grown up I would come back and see you.

Yesteday I am dead for sure, my heart stop for the dream. And I keep myself in this house and keep everything ruined. Even the whole house have the rubbish or other things I never care any more. The stress of the business, the stress of the whole family ,I know if one day I can not find a solution I would become one mad man just like yesterday. I have a big quarrel with the family and then walk out for 2 hour without eating anything for one whole day. And at the end of the day I can not sleep and stay awake until 5 am in the morning. I know that is all wrong but what happened to my life. Everything is trying to pull me down. I am tired and I am done with it!

People are always suffering in their life. Do the job they never like and they need to keep living in this world. But for keeping living they have to work or do something they do not want to do including me. Living in one city I hate with the horrible hot weather. Live in the house I hate and pay the rent every week. Live in the life I hate do not have any quality. Use the tools I hate because I just can not afford another new one. All these things I hate made up my life. And we are just the same.

For one day my heart and my dream are dead. Both dead in one second. And I am one wlaking dead in this house. I want to do something but never want to make a move.Then one whole day have passed. I am one day for dead.

I am a bit confusing about the lyrics of the bullet. While the kid is singing the chorus.I wish I can fly, way up in the sky , like the bird so high ,Oh I might just try, but the last word I am confusing, I can only hear Oh I might just die. But the official lyrics is the Oh I might just try. I do not know if there is anything wrong with years, or just one small joke made by the band. I put a bullet in my head remind me the death. And I believe they are playing one joke on the public.Any way it is just a song. It is just about one word only.

Today I get up at the earlies time for the past few weeks. To be honest, I have slept early for really a long time. Most of my night end up at about 1-2 o'clock in the morning. And I feel it is dangerous for health. So yesterday night I force myself sleep at 12 pm. It is one hard thing because once I sleep in the bed many boring thing come up with my head. They are fight in my brain. No matter how many times you have todl yourself to sleep you just can not.I think there should also be something relate with my cellphone. Maybe I should shut the cellphone down and then one wonderful sleep would come.

I can not sleep late any more.I must change the life style in the last few days. It is important.  For last few days I would record my time management.

When I was a young, the parents would ask me who I want to be? I never know it. Tired of being a policeman catching bad people. Maybe I also want to be a bad man. Being a bad man would have fun while running away from the police. Like the games we used to play. I never want to be a teacher because they would face all kinds of naughty boys just lke me. I would not wish to be a worker because they look always tired while I watch them. They can drink one whole bottle of water without a breathe. I can not imagine how thirsty or how tired they are. So I tell my parents I do not know who I want to be.

What I think of the time should be free. While I want to work I can go to work. And while I am tired I can go to the bed and take a good sleep. While I am not feeling good or it is a rainy day I can stop and sleep in my bed. I decide when to work and when to enjoy the life. However in my world seems this kind work never exsist especially I am one person always want good things. I have to sacrifice something to trade the things I want. Now this is why I am here and always want to something I wish to own. I work every day. And I am not happy. This world is not a perfect world. And every man should have his trouble or problem. Any way I hope the future can be better. Because I do not know how long I can take this kind life.

The daytime have gone. Here is another night. The sun have gone for a long time. The wind outside is growing stronger.Yes, this is the weather of this city. I can only hear the sound the fingers hit the keyboard. I should not be here. I have told myself a thousand of times. I want to leave for home.In this silent night I have to open up the radio to make less lonely. However here comes the Helocene by Passengers. I feel like to cry for a second. You can see the sorrow in my eyes for just one second.Then I have become another numb man standing in front of the window.Outside of the window there are more buildings you can not see the end. It is one good day to listen to the sad songs. It is a good day to remember the time lost in our hands. My life would carry on. And my soul would never fade away. 

Sometimes men would also feel weak to accept their life. And there for me I am another loser in this city. But I would never accept it. I would turn my world upside down. And then we own another fresh world.

Now here comes the I see fire. I am feeling much better. I would go to the midland with the soft music around my eyes. in next few seconds the whole house would return silent again. And I am trying to get used to it.

Take a nap on my desk for 10 minutes. I have done this for a long time. At least in this year it is the first time I have done this because I am just too sleepy. In the past I would go to the bed and take a good sleep. But today I would not do that because it is the first day of my work day. Why I am setting up one work day、 Because I work for myself, and now I even do not know when to work and what to do, Yesterday night I have set up my mind to give myself one work sheets to do. However I sleep at 1 o'clock yesterday night that make me feel very sleepy today. So I have to choose one way to take a rest and also I need to make sure I am not asleep for a long time. The desk is the best place where I belong.

We are all born equal but why there are always some same aged people doing better than us? They are successful in their business and they make us admire them. But we were just the same while we are studying at the school. And what happened to them to make them become better? And what happened to us to make us fall behind? I am thinking of this hundreds of time. Maybe it is all because of the work habit every day. They use the time in the right way, And we waste the time in the right way, That is the difference,And also make us become the loser among the same aged person.

We complain we can not afford many things such as the nice cars and the pool aoyama hoodie look great by it is too expensive! We never know we have done the wrong thing in the right time. We have waste our time too much. I am one of you, I am one of the losers.So I have to change something to make me become a better one.

Yesterday night I take my phone to bed and then read the many things such as the twitter facebook and many news around the world. I can laugh out even while I am staying in the bed. And then I have found it is areadly 1 am in the morning. And I have to go to bed in a rush. I make my the third promise to go to bed early. I never know if I would make it work today. I mean where is our fun?

I even take the phone while I am using the washroom. While taking the subway I use the smart to make myself do not look like a nerd. Because everyone on the subway they are all playing the phone. They play the games, watch the movie.But I can not recognize what we were doing while we do not have such kind electrical equipments. I feel the phone have taken the most part of my life. And now the most fun is from the smart phone. But where is our fun rest? Do we must take a picture before we are eating? Do we really need to be such one kind person. I can not let these things take away my life time. Maybe I should be aware of them. 

If one day the whole world do not have internet any more. If one day the computers and the electrics are all dead. What would we do for fun? I can not imagine that because seems we do not have any choice.Now I would go out to the store to by one piece hood by air long sleeve for the autumn. Time to do some talking friendly off line indeed. I can not let the smart phone take the fun of my life.

I used to talk with mother much. Seems she is one good friend of mine because past of few years I am all alone in this strange city. I work my job on the internet. Every day I think I should walk out and get some fresh air but mostly I would like to stay at home. Watch some movies listen to some music. Seems this is the main stream of my life. I would like to do some sports but now these days the cellphone and the computer have taken more time from me. And I truly wish I can get away from this kind life. But I do not have any choice any more. My life is just like this. You can not make a changce. Because I do not have any other way to go. 

Like the song said. Sometimes you can not change and you can not choose. Yes. it is the life. You worry about your parents. You need to make all kinds of decisions for your life. I have been away from the hometown for so long. 9 years already! And what I want the most is going home. Enjoy the taste of the hometown. Listen to some local language there. I want to see some of the old friends. I want to live my life in one new way. I would be a hard working man fighting for my dream. But the wish deep inside me is going home. Please take me home. One day I would sit in my house and enjoy the weather I love.