Missing is not thinking of someone anyone.I just feel i am lost in this world.Try to make myself living like the successful one.But I am feeling collapsing inside me . I found the TV plays are telling lies of the life.And I also found the game is one waste of the time.But I just can not run away from it. I live under the shadow of all these things and I am feeling I am the lost one. I do not know which is wrong and which is right. I always feel I want to purchase something from the online shop and always spend lots of the time on shopping.And I am not the one I used to be any more. I try to buy lots of things that I do not need.And things are tearing me apart.I never know what is happening. 

I keep telling myself to wake up but every time it is hard to wake myself up. In the morning I have just spent 200 dollars on some dumb toys.But I just can not stop.I keep spending the money like the money is from no where. Maybe I have forgotten how many days I have been spending the time on the work.The money do not come very easy.And every day I keep dreaming of the things I need and even forget to work. This is sick.I am quite sure I would fade if this continue.I truly need the change. Just for myself. I have to make up my mind to all these things.Make everything change.

Yesterday I make up my mind to do something.Give me one month.I would make every things become the fresh one.I have to find myself in this space.

Wake up in the morning like one monkey.Finally I recognize today is the Saturday,Seems every one is enjoying the weekend because the disco music from downstairs wake me up and make me feel I maybe need to knock on his door and give him a punch in his face.I hate the music in the morning it is truly driving me crazy because I need the sleep in the morning of Saturday. 

I suddenly think of the old days while working for one Korean boss. For totally one month only one day off.And never have a weekend.Even for the new year holiday I only have three days to take a rest. Even though I have done a lot of things for them. But they never let me have a good rest.And worktime is the all night long. But at that time I have a lot of the energy for the work. And keep working until the next day .At the 8 AM while I was on my way home it is one new start of the other people. They would stare at my black eyes and they never know I have just finished my work of that day.But any way I am a kind of enjoying it because I have been working there for almost two years already.

The memory is like one book.The letters on the book can not be erased and every day we are living hard and we never feel.But after through the hard days you would feel proud what you have done in the past.And I am trying to find myself in the past.One day I can be the one better than myself now.

Finally understand the words from many people.I am my biggest enemy.When you have no one to compare with.You would fight against yourself with your own ability.Improvement is the most important thing in one's life.

I think I would met my old classmates at the high school which I haven't seen for years.But I think I start to have the social party panic for this.I never know why it is like this.And I feel things have changed a lot. People trying to show how successful they but what they never know is the true relationship of us is the class.Why can not we just live the life in the simple way.We do not talk about how much money you can make every month.We also shut our mouth for the car s we are driving.We just enjoy the feeling staying together.Drink one bottle of beer or eat one big meal in the good restaurant. That is the simple ways we stay together.

Time have passed for years. And we all have changed a lot.For me I grow fatter and have my hair cut shorter.I love the short cut since I moved in this city because it make me feel clean and tidy.I still remember the school days I care about the hair style too much that I can spend more than one hour on the hair to make it look good.Any way we all have changed a lot.With the honor for our time.We should mark it down. 

And I just do not know why I am feeling you are just too far away from me now.The time create one great distance.And I am trying to fix it.

After seeing largen numbers of news around the world.I finally found that people all think that peace is the best. However the power of the country is the only one which can keep the peace around the world.In our dialy life it is also like that.Some of us are weak and some us are strong.when the weak ones hit someone by accident while he is saying sorry some people would still go there and give them a lesson.But when you are strong you can say sorry and the people would not have any trouble with you.It is just like the relationship of the country.That is why the powerful country can lead the world.And what we need is the true power of the life.We do not have willing to fight with any body.But what we need is the power to defence ourselves from being hurt by others.This is the main aim of one country.The news truly make me feel headache.We all discussing about the news and what we need to do is power ourselves up right away and make this country become stronger.So that one day we can defence ourselves.This is the main aim of us.This is one world of the power.We need the confidence to stand out and make the whole world stay in peace and make the whole world know we are stronger than before.And protect our people in this country.This is the true power of one country.

About several years ago I want to be one rock star. Wearing all kinds of skull printing designs among the streets.Especially I love designs from Affliction. With the skull shadow and the designs for the true amazing life. But things have changed a lot. Because every day you wear the similar designs you would feel boring and sometime we need the change.

One pair of basic trousers and one light blue t-shirt and one pair of leather shoes and wearing your own watch with the casual look sometimes it is also one nice choice for you indeed. But any way I am not feeling comfort while wearing that because it is putting you into one cage that you can hardly make a clean move.The leather shoes and the tight trousers. I prefer one pair of jeans and one pair of sneaker and the basic t-shirt. You would never need to care about what they are thinking of. And this is what I have been thinking of the look I am in. Maybe I would need some look for the place need a casual look. The polo shirt, the tight trousers can match with the leather shoes. But in normal days while you are wearing it. It is truly very hard to make it done. Because we need the comfort cloting for every day wearing. And gentleman just need to be gentle while you are attending one public place.

So this is my thought of the gentleman.

These days I keep watching the TV shows called Shameless. That spend me a lot of the time. But truly inspired by this show because it comes from our daily life and make me know what is the real things in our life. One poor family but they are happy while living together. And this is our life should be like. We have been chasing fame and the fortune for the life. Sometime we even forget we have the most valueable things.They are our family. No matter how hard the situation is the family is always standing by your side and make your life become a little better. That is the importance of the family and make you stay strong and have the dream for the future.

I have been trying to make myself stay tough and I have been trying to be strong in front of the love. But there are still many time I can not deal with it. Because I am lost these days. Listening to the song called The Fifth Day. I finally know that love can make you know the meaning of your life and give you the strength for sports and the give you the aim to make you become better. This is what all you need for the life. You would need to make up your mind to do something but not being like one loser living in your mess room.

From today you would clean your house up amd make yourself live in the perfect situation of your life.This is what you need to do now.

Life is one piece of sleeping pill. It make you want to sleep every day. But most of the time you can not sleep because you have to fight and sleeping would become one way to waste the time.However yesterday I stay awake in 4 am in the mornring. I think I have drunk too much tea in the day time. That is why I can not fall asleep. And now every thing in front of me have become numb indeed. I have to sleep early today. Every day I keep telling myself and keep making myself breaking the rules. I never understand the life style that I have ever own. Everything is falling apart in front of me .

Never fall, never say I can not, never give up and never be the loser. I used to give myself so many promises. But seems too weak in front of my laziness. Now I truly need to change it. Changing and keep changing. Change myself back to the life I used to own. I have to make it done one day. This is me. One day I would make it come true. One way to keep myself become the one I love. Make myself become the one I used to admire. It is the power inside me.

I used to talk with one old man about the life. He set one saddle on the house and tell me he used to be caught in the jail because he have done something offend against the law. And his parents feel shame for him because he have done this kind illegal things. And people around his neighbor usually would laugh at his family. So at that age he lived very hard. Suffered by the people's colored sight on him.He have to run away from that city and moved here.And now he still feel guilty because he have done the things make his ancestors shame.

I start to get in one thought about the ancestor. Seems the vintage views for the ancestor in our country have made people start to learn to obey the rules of the world. they have their own balance for the rules. If you have done something wrong the first ones to feel shame on you is yourself because you have done things make your ancestors feel shame. And it is one kind sinful thoughts inside your head and make you suffered for it.And then your family and then the people around you.People have to follow his mind to do something.And the rules make people know which is right and which is wrong. The law is right after the family rules.Family rules are like one kind honor for the ancestors.And you have to follow the rules to make you live like one real man. Life is just like that.Seems since you were born  you can not make a choice. The rules runs for over hundreds years in this ancient country with such long history. 

So just get used to this rules for your life.Make the honor to your ancestors. Try your best to not doing things wrong. You are not the only one. Sometime you are treat as your most important honor for your family for hundreds years.