I have already told people that love is one kind poison because most of the time the love can kill you in one soft way. One day when you wake up and find you are already in this poison and you can not get away from it any more. I am very sorry now I am one of them. Each day I love like one slave. Until one day I have some one to talk with. And I have found I am not that kind lonely any more. Seems I can find the light in the darkness. And I always keep waiting for her messages. Like every day it is important for me to let her voice speak with me. But if it is the love? I do not know about it.Because the love is hurt some time. Each day I am like walking on the blade and this blade is made by the love. I hate the love but I just can not fight  to be away from it. Every day I have the hope. Every day I make myself to be like one person who is cool. But in fact I am not the one.

I hate to be some one who have the love for someone. The love is like one grand stone on my shoulder. And I can not take it because every day I am suffering from the sense for the love. One kind warmth inside me. One kind warm feeling in my head. Maybe it is the love. I have to be cold as the stone. Because I know how hurt it is the love. Because I am afraid to be hurt. I used to have the love for someone. But it was long time ago. And where is my love.Maybe it have gone with the one I used to love.

Now we have contacted too many days. And it have been a long time already. And now it is already 7 o'clock now she have never sent me any messages. And I have been busy and trying to make myself forget about it. But still have some kinds disappionted feeling in my heart. In fact I even do not know how is she look like and almost forget everything already. But I feel disappointed. She is like one fishhook in my heart. I feel the pain and  maybe it is just because I am just too lonely. In the past I do not have any one to contact and then I would feel much better and spend more times on the works. But now in the night I am some kinds of waiting for her messages. EVery day it is suffering. I would like to be the one who do not know about the love that would make me feel much better for that.

But now she is already in my heart. I have to be the one who can really enjoy the life. But it is really hard for me. And every day it is just like this. I have to wake up myself in this kind sweet sleeping pills. I have to know what I come here for. I am always forgetting my dreams. I have to know the truth. I have to be away from her. Because she is not my type. We even do not have any kinds of hot topic for that. And this make me feel very disappointed now. I have to know about this. I have to make me know this clearly for this.Like the HBA long sleeve. No matter what is happening around here. We have to know the truth and keep be myself.

We are the people from different world . And it is just like this.We do not have much choices. Because our lives are totally different. Like you have to wear your glasses but for me I do not need it .

 Now I know you are talking with someone else. Any way I do not care about it because we do not have any connection we are just the strangers talking on the internet. And then when any one of us feel tired we can just shut down and then go back to the world we used to be in. And it is the cool and so we would just need to shut down and then watch the movie or some other things.

We all know we would not be together. So sometime you can just treat me as some kinds of heal for the loneliness. And you are also the medicine for me. So we are just the lonely ones. We are all hurt. Never mind you do not have to say sorry. Live the way we like is our freedom and the right. So go away and shut down the mouth. I would pretend I do not know you in future. And you can also just keep walking after see my eyes on you. It is just the way I like.

Some people suggest me to go back to the hometown to do some business. In my heart I have this dream . I have this idea in my head for more than 2 years already. Every year I wish I can go back home. But every year I am suffering for this. 

In the past I live in the small black room ,the house filled with the package and boxes of clothes. I live there and I want to change. And then I spend twice the price to give myself one larger house. But each day I am still not satisfied with my life. The house is too old and I would never get satisfied with the life. I require one higher grade of life. I have seen more and more people doing better than me. They driving their cars, they live in the large house, they are trying to make the life more wonderful. But for me, I am like just one loser. I step here again and again. I still can not step forward. So I have tried the best to make it be better. I have to .And this power pushed me ,and I am feeling tired. Even it is not possible to go back home . The hometown is like one choice. Your fortune or the money and your hometown. This is so hard to make a choice. I want to own them both. So this is why I work till late in the night. I am not satisfied. I am one hungry wolf for success.This is all that I want.This is my life should be like .

I can not live like this.  

Keep watching the films. Keep listening to the music. Keep laughing while watching the television. If the god have the eyes on me. He should sure think I am one idiot .But every day I just live like that .And the time is running away like the sand in the sandglass but it is one way. Each day we are going closer to the end. Even we do not know when will be one end. But the life is always around us. 

People keep talking about the meaning of the life. They use their proud voice to speak highly of their jobs. They think they are creating the world's new age. And they are proud for what they do. But when learning the fact for most of our life time just for living. Like many other kinds of animals in this world. They live on their hunting. And for us we live on  works. 

I should never say no for our life. Sometime we have to face the most difficult life we have ever met. We have seen the darkest time of our life time. But we should never give up our hope. The hope for the new world. And we should never say no because we own the power to fight against many things. This is one kind way of living.And this is us.

I remeber in history the Rome use their Arena to make the people feel interested in fighting and blood. And these people are crazy for the Arena because there they can find the hero there and the so called slaves become their hero. I do not know how did the rome think of these people. And this time they treat as the way to control these people. Because when people crazy for something they would forget about their troubles. 

Now this time the people have changed their way to control people's thought. The entertainment ,  all the time you can find the shows on TV, people keep singing , dancing and all kinds of ways to make you feel enjoying. The smile on their faces become numb and what else can you see? I can feel what are these people thinking. And the happy smile is hyperbolic. But what can they do then? The culture and the world teach us to act polite in the public. So we use the slap and the smile to make us feel a little better.We are losing ourselves in the entertainment zone. We chasing stars, we admire the people who own the money, we have lost the way.

Dacne and sing is one most useless things. But now very welcomed by the world. You understand, I do not understand.

I wish for peace because people would suffer if the world is in the war. But the war have never ended .They destroyed the city with the guns and tank. They use their hands to kill people in the so called honor ways. They are using their own greed to control people to do things they want them to do. The people aim at the gold age for themselves and using the people's lives to build up their own crown and they even feel honor while get the crown on their heads. It is shame but they feel honor for it.

The world police keep trying to make the whole world controlled by their hands. And they use their force to make the whole world in fire. The war always raised by these people and make people lose their families in the war. It is bringing the world to the hell. And I feel sad and feel powerless to do anything with it. I just have to say I am sorry maybe one day I would run away from here. Then I would believe in my own religion and live in some way much better than in this so called big city. I need some place to take a good rest. Away from the war and away from all kinds of boring things in my life. Then just live the way all by myself.Leave all crap things out of the mind. 

These days I do very few things. However always feeling very tired. And always want to take a rest. I think it is wrong because the most important thing it is the work. And I have to make myself have a clear mind. Because there are just too much mess in my head. I do not know what to do right now. And do not have a plan for today. But I know things are not going well because this is the feeling that I used to have.

I have been tired of trying to be like before. In fact in the past I am really one hard working man. But now things are not going well. There are too many things I need to worry and seems these things have trapped me very hard and make me want to just take good sleep and then run away from all these feelings.These days the life keep making me struggle. I want to find one way out but it is hard to find a way.

One day have 24 hours. And each hour I have the pain in my head. I want to have a good sleep but in the morning I can not fall asleep any more. The weather , the noise, the people around. I am just so low with the life now I am having. It is just so hard to get through.